I'm Sick AGAIN

 But not as bad this time. But I've missed class the past three days. But also, it's fine. But why do I feel the need to start every sentence with 'but'? But, life is good. But Happy Halloweeeeennnn!!!!!!

Today, I read this poem:

Where the Sidewalk Ends

by Shel Silverstein

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.

Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

I cried. We all have our sidewalks. At times we walk with others, at times, we walk alone. A sidewalk ends and another begins. Some are rough cobblestone while others are precise granite. Many are worn and uneven while others are new and simple. 

The sidewalk I've been on for the past two months has been full of surprises. At times it's been steep and treacherous as the steps on the Great Wall. At at other times, it's been sandy and relaxed as the beaches in Hainan. 

No matter the path I've taken, though, no matter how many people I've walked with or how many have taken their own paths, no matter how many times I've stumbled or paused for breath or feared what lay ahead over the next hill, the sidewalk has continued on. 

And I will continue on, grateful for every hard blessing I've received, and grateful for every friend I've found, and especially grateful for the constant companionship of my Father in Heaven. 

I have less than two months left in China. I can't believe how quickly time has passed and how it continues to ebb away, unencumbered by any of my attempts to preserve it. I love this place. I love these people. I love Shelby. I love being here. But this sidewalk will end soon, and I am grateful for the moment when the Lord will tell me that He has work for me elsewhere. I'll be off on a new adventure, but forever grateful for what I have learned.

And maybe someday, if I continue to do my best on every sidewalk I encounter, I will "leave this place where the smoke blows back and the dark street winds and bends." And I will have rest and be reunited with those who I love. For because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I know where the sidewalk ends. 

Just give 'im a glass of MALK.

All I wanna do is blog about food. The great thing is that I'm skeenier. I just never wanna leave Chiners. Good thing I'm going on my mission here, or whatevs. When they open China. Next week.? PS. I definitely finished my papers and they are IN! I think. hahaa. Hopefully the stake pres submitted them! But I'm so thrilled. And I'm going to be the best missionary North Dakota has ever seen! I can't wait.

But foods.

Sunny (aptly named Sunny) just gave me some wheat milk. Wait, WAT?! Yes. Wheat milk. Wheat malk, wheat maalk, wheat milk. I was terrified. Room temperature wheat milk? Then she proceeds to tell me there's chunks of wheat in it?! What is she thinking???!!! But I can't reject her--

Hold up. Asian woman walks by to fill up her water bottle. Her body is incredible. I'm really proud of myself for maintaining a great self-esteem while I'm here, but I'll tell you what--it's definitely hard with these tiny-boned Asian women walking around in their skinnies. They have incredible bodies. End of that story.

But I can't reject her because she's so delightful. I actually taught her 'delightful' the other day. She was thrilled. :) But yeah. So I stick the straw in the milk like a Capri Sun (but who would ever think to put milk in one of those?? This ain't no soccer mom treat) and she watches me with this creepy smile on her face. I half expected it to be something I would do to her like, try these Vienna Sausages raw they're really good.... Hahhahaa .... But it turns out, the wheat milk is delicious. I don't even mind the wheat chunks chillin' in my milk! I actually LOVE the wheat chunks!

Man I love this place.

RESTAURANT!

And yes, I capitalize Restaurant because the sign is in Chinese and we, unfortunately, do not read Chinese. So. Restaurant. We love Restaurant. And it's definitely because the noodles are amazing (homemade right before your eyes), and also because a huge dish of noodles and whatever topping you want is like $1.50, but mostly because of the family that owns it. They LOVE us. And I'm pretty sure we've increased their revenue because we've popped up on QQ (Asian Facebook) four more times than a lot at Restaurant. So. Well. They feed us delicious foods, and we love them.

One time, I asked (with my incredible Chinese skills) if they have sweet potatoes (I'm literally obsessed with them now). They didn't, but they told us to come back the next day for them! So we went back, and they made us a legit new dish with sweet potatoes and normal potatoes and then gave us a huge bowl of egg and tomato soup and then wouldn't take our moneys. They do that a lot, actually. They keep charging us $1.50 for two huge meals instead of just one. I love Restaurant. Two times ago, they used the internets to translate into English to tell us to come the next day for sweet potatoes. We came, and they, once again, gave us a whole dish of sweet potatoes and a bunch more in a bag and sent us home charging us $1.50 TOTAL for two noodle dishes and two sweet potato dishes and little soups. She then pulled us in for the best Asian hug I've ever received and kissed us on the cheeks before she sent us on our way.

Here's the thing. Pooptown can get pretty awful. But when we found friends in Restaurant Family, that completely changed our outlook on this city. They truly love us. And it's definitely not because we keep going back so they make money off of us, it's because they truly love that we are here and they know that we love them--because we truly do, with the pure love of Christ. I want so badly to communicate with them and share the gospel.

Tonight at Restaurant, they internets translated for us and told us to come back because Restaurant Mom was going to make us some special dumplings. 

I feel so blessed to encounter such incredible people here. I love them with all my heart.

I'm a homemaker

How to properly open a pear jar when it literally won't open and you don't have hot water to douse it with:

1. Turn on the gas.
2. Turn on the burner.
3. Stick pear jar above the burner.
4. Try to open.
5. Unsuccessful.
6. Try to open.
7. Unsuccessful.
8. Unsuccessful.
9. Grab a meat cleaver.
10. Hit it.
11. SUCCESS

Collective Man.

It's literally a race against time trying to post here haha. I can do a free trial of a VPN for ten minutes, and it's excessively slow. It's not as stressful as hopping booking it to make sure you're not late for a train, but it's getting there.

...but really.

Train stresses are not something I'll miss.

SO!

I went to Hainan over the National Holiday. And now I don't remember if I've already talked about it haha. Suffice it to say, it was the best week of my life. We beached it almost the whole time! And now these aren't sounding like original thoughts. I definitely talked about this. Or I emailed someone about it. Hmm. If you want to look at pictures, check Facebook!

The cool thing about it is that I could go on forever and go into every single joke, funny instance, miracle, EVERYTHING, and you still wouldn't understand how good this trip was for me. I feel like it summed up a lot of the things the Lord has been trying to teach me, then rounded it off with a nice announcement of the fact that I'm going on a mission.

But here I am, back in Pooptown, and I can honestly say I've missed it. Certain aspects, like the alienation, the administration, and the smell, I certainly haven't missed. But I love teaching with my whole heart. I have so much I want to do for the kids. And I know that I have at least 3,000 students and can't do much for them, but I can do a little. And that's more than nothing.

We did go to Nanjing this last weekend for conference, Collective Man, and dentist/doctor appointments, though. The branch president's wife took me to the hospital! Oh, just a dental check-up/panoramic x-ray/physical including x-rays and stuff? Oh, just $30.00 without insurance? Hi, China. But it was super great. My two little wisdom teeths on one side of my mouth don't even have a root and they're growing in straight. So, basically, I'm good to go.

But also, I'm tired. And I woke up early because I thought I had class early, but I don't until ten, so I'm going back to sleep. 

BYE.

We loved our thirteen hour sleeper train. What a fun time on the top bunk. That was too small for us.

Just, uh, going to the dentist?.. They looked in my mouth and told me I was real healthy. Then gave me an X-RAY!

Just me and my BFF Troy who has a mustache. We made french toast for our men. They loved us. We're good housewives.

Oh, a random Asian man passerby just touched my bum? But was it an accident?.. It happens more often than I'd like to admit.

One of my other BFFs, Marcus. He's from K-town! Holla! But really. The most sincere, altruistic, and sweetest person I've met. ALSO, he totally keeps up with my movie quoting, which is no small feat.

Shelby, me, Dan, and Jake. We love them, they love us. It's just a nice system we have. :)

I'm HOME! (but not?)

OH HEY. Based on pageviews, you cuties still checked the blog while I was in Hainan! It really means a lot to me. You're all so wonderful.

Here's the deal. I really don't have enough time to write down every single miracle we experienced or why it was the absolute best week of my life, but it was definitely nothing short of incredible. My heart is so full of thanks that we didn't get train tickets to Guilin and went to Chawaii instead. Heavenly Father truly knows what's best for us. What a tender mercy.

Oh, did we meet up with some hawt man (Collective Man, as I refer to them) that all spoke Chinese and took care of us for three and a half days of the days we were there? Yes, yes yes. I miss man. Man in general. But that did our hearts good. Turns out, we ARE relatively attractive and funny? Who knew. Pooptown peoples don't do much for our self-esteem haha. But I can honestly say that I came to love every single one of the six guys on Study Abroad through BYU that we met back in Shanghai. It was so nice to be around worthy priesthood holders who genuinely cared about our safety. They did, and continue to do, and would do, anything we asked them. 

We're actually headed to Nanjing tomorrow to spend a couple days with them! Oh, why? Well.

I'm serving a mission as soon as I return from China! For sake of time, I'll just copy and paste an email I sent to one of my friends from Nanjing. Sorry for any inside jokes from the trip! 

 So flashback to sophomore year. Or ninth grade. Or I guess my entire life. I distinctly remember my mom asking me if I wanted to serve a mission when I was like, eight. We were sitting on the couch reading Harry Potter and I told her straight up that I wanted to go on a mission. My older sister Kaytlen started bawling because she couldn’t even imagine leaving home haha. But I guess it’s just never been something I’ve had to think about. I made my decision years ago that I’d serve a mission. As  precocious little reader I’d already read the Book of Mormon by age 9, and I’ve just always known that the church was true. So when I hit sophomore year and Kelsi got her call, it’s just always been engrained in me that I’d serve a mish. Especially because I was so anti-male haha. Every single boy in every single seminary class (well, every single boy I’ve EVER encountered… EVER. LITCHRALLY) tried to tell me that I’d never make it to a mish and that I’d be married the second I was out of high school.

Which is bizarre, because I only kissed one person in high school. Twice. Hahaha. Ne’er had a legit BF in my life. And the only time I did…he was our chauffeur in Pooptown. And he dumped us. Like a dump. A literal dump. Take it how you will. Boooyyyyffffrrriiiieeennnnnndddddd!! But I just told everyone that I’d be serving a mission.

Then I graduated at the tender age of 17 and barely turned 18 when I went to callege. And I sort of dated a couple people (it’s a REAL loose term) and realized that I probably wouldn’t make it to the ripe old age of 21 before I got married. But then I had this little hope inside me that I would, just because I had felt so strongly that I’d get to serve a mission.

Back in January, I went to five of my friends’ farewells in one day. You have to understand that going on a mission had reached the obsessive point where I thought about it all day and accepting the fact that I probs wouldn’t go hurt my heart every time. So ya know, the green jealousy monster came out in my heart a bit. I decided I needed to go on an adventure, at least. So the next day, I talked to Shelby, and through a series of miracles, I had almost everything lined up to go to China in a period of about four hours.  SO IT’S WHATEVER, RIGHT? I’ll get to be a little service missionary in China.

Then my friend’s older sister (Jeneca Todd, do you know her? Andrew Todd? They’re pretty cool.) asked me to do a duet in her senior showcase cause she was graduating from the dance program in April. I mean, NBD, I’m one of two freshmen in the whole showcase. Hahaha I just have connections, that’s all. But then the dance department chair came to meet me after the performances and invited me to be in the program. So, a month later of prayer and fasting, I coordinated with them to do an accommodated audition and all of a sudden I was a dance ed major. Everything worked out nicely! But it kind of sealed off the fact I probs wouldn’t be going on a mission because it’d be difficult to take a break in the middle of the program just because it’s so meticulously extensive.

I accepted it and just gave my whole heart to China! So when we heard the news at the end of the best week of my life, it was such a blessing. The past eight months have been littered with blind guesses at my future, acting solely on promptings and hoping I’d end up in the right place somehow. As many times as I’ve prayed to know what or why, I’ve received the answer that I need to continue to move forward in patience and faith. Which is probably one of the most difficult answers to receive.

Then as I came to Pooptown and had some of the most difficult times of my life as I’ve been completely isolated and without any sort of help but to surrender to the jurisdiction of a lazy male-dominated administration.  All I’ve been told while I’ve been here is to be patient. To wait for things to straighten themselves out. I’ve always been the kind of person to just make things work if other people aren’t doing their part, but I’ve been in situations where there is literally nothing I can do but wait.

And then I’ve encountered an abnormal amount of bad luck for the time that we’ve been here, with stolen phones, missed trains, no stipend, not teaching, no hot water, no water, broken camera, lost keys, no internet—basically everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong. I’ve had to completely give myself to the Lord in these situations and put my trust in Him with my whole heart. Time and time again, I’ve been taught that things will work out.

Then, I don’t know if Shelby sent you our co-written email of the crabist jellyfisher, but basically a man on the beach was high and kifed my camera case but then realized there wasn’t anything in it. EXCEPT THE ROOM KEY. Which I’d already paid to replace because I might have accidentally broken it, then we almost lost it, and now it was stolen. After an hour of trying to get him to fess up and searching through the sand and everything imaginable, we finally trudged back to the hostel to cough up Y50 for a new key. We walked in and Joe’s wife looked perplexed and by our fantastic charades skills we determined she was saying something about a camera. LADY, THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TAKE PICTURES. But then she reached in her desk and pulled out my camera case.

All five RMB I had stowed in there was still there, as was the room key and the nice little sticky note I had the man at the sombrero hostel write the Joe’s Seaside Inn address on. At that moment, I finally understood what Heavenly Father had been trying to teach me! That even when things are going horribly, horribly wrong, they’re actually going right. And they always will, as long as we trust in the Lord. What a tender mercy to know in that moment that Heavenly Father is always there. He really is my best friend. And I know that sounds bizarre to say, but it even talks about it in my patriarchal blessing. I’ve never been more grateful for the all-encompassing power of the Atonement—that Christ is the mediator and that I can literally speak with God and understand who I am through His love.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! When we were passed along the news of the mission, I knew immediately that I’d be going as soon as possible. It was never really a decision I had to make. All of a sudden the last cog clicked into place and the immense amount of stress I’ve encountered the past year made sense. The way that nothing seemed to go the way I planned became a blessing. I’m going on a mission with no reservations, no doubts, no obligations or second thoughts. I can give my service and my whole heart and soul entirely to the Lord. Suddenly, all of my petty fears and insecurities simply don’t matter because I know that I am a servant of the Lord, ushering in the gathering of Israel. He knows my heart. I can’t even fathom how perfect the timing is. This new revelation will completely change missionary work, and I am one who is most directly affected by it. A girl too young for her grade to consider it could even be a possibility, a girl who spent her summer reading and memorizing Preach My Gospel with the full knowledge she’d never get to employ it, a girl who wouldn’t be able to take a break from the dance program but went through every single possible way she could graduate by 21 so she could serve a mission. THAT GIRL IS ME. And I know this sounds crazy dramatic, but you guys have always known you’d have the opportunity. That it was expected of you—and though you had to make a conscious decision to go, there really wasn’t an option not to. As soon as you throw that second option in there and magnify it by the stereotypical pressure of BYU freshmeat/graduate ASAP to support a husband through college and have babies, THEN factor in my young age, it’s no longer a viable option to go.

So here I am on sensory overload. Pedro must have been voted as class president because all my wildest dreams have come true.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL. I obviously need to pray about it, to make sure I’m doing the right thing. Scripture after scripture I flip to is all about the gathering of Israel and how I, specifically, will be a part of it. 1 Nephi 4:15-31. 2 Nephi 29:7. 2 Nephi 31:20. Mosiah 27:36-37. Mosiah 28:19. Alma 26:37. Alma 31:30-33. Alma 32:6. Alma 43:1-2. Alma 62:50-51. Helaman 13. Helaman 14:10-16. 3 Nephi 5:23-26. 3 Nephi 18:25. Ether 4:7, 11-14. Moroni 8. Moroni 9:6. Every single one of those scriptures was a random find, but exactly what I needed to validate my feelings toward service.

And then again as I read Mosiah 1-7 on the train, there’s just no way that I will ever be able to deny that the Lord has a place for me in the next 21 months. It’s, like you said, a glimpse into what the Lord has in store for me. For the first time in my life, I’m pressing forward with His plan for me in complete assurance that it is right. I’ve been moving forward in hope and faith for a couple years now, but now I get to go into this with a full knowledge that this is where I need to be.

And because of that knowledge, I have no doubts or fears. I’ve never felt more sure about something in my life. What a blessing it is to a part of this gospel. It’s so real. It’s so true. And it’s not one of those things that is real because I love it. I love it because it’s real. Because the peace it brings isn’t contrived or the effect of psychology. The gospel is the gateway to immediate happiness in this life and a promise for blessings eternally. Like the brass serpent of old where people had to merely cast their eyes to be healed, we need to merely cast our hearts to the Savior and be healed and experience peace. And now I get to be a literal servant of the Lord, endowed with power to cause people to simply look. I get to wear the Lord’s name over my heart every day for a year and a half—but not only wear it, share it.

I’ve never felt more blessed or full of hope. Like a stone cut out of the mountain, the work will never stop. And I have the privilege and duty to be a part of it.

So that’s where I’m coming from. Word.

I started my papers as soon as I heard. So I found out Saturday night, which was Saturday morning for all you kids, then through a bunch of miracles I got in contact with my bishop in Springville who approved me to  start my papers! I took some glamour shots last night (they're not glamorous), and everything is ready to go. I contacted the Nanjing Branch president and his sweet wife is taking us to the doctor and the dentist on Saturday. Once I submit those, I'll have a skype interview with my bishop and my stake president and my papers will be submitted. My availability date is January 1st, 2013. 

So there you have it. Imma serve a MISSION! And the best part is that I get a full two years, counting China :) I am so blessed. 

My screen shot of my missionary pictures. All done!!! :)