I'm HOME! (but not?)

OH HEY. Based on pageviews, you cuties still checked the blog while I was in Hainan! It really means a lot to me. You're all so wonderful.

Here's the deal. I really don't have enough time to write down every single miracle we experienced or why it was the absolute best week of my life, but it was definitely nothing short of incredible. My heart is so full of thanks that we didn't get train tickets to Guilin and went to Chawaii instead. Heavenly Father truly knows what's best for us. What a tender mercy.

Oh, did we meet up with some hawt man (Collective Man, as I refer to them) that all spoke Chinese and took care of us for three and a half days of the days we were there? Yes, yes yes. I miss man. Man in general. But that did our hearts good. Turns out, we ARE relatively attractive and funny? Who knew. Pooptown peoples don't do much for our self-esteem haha. But I can honestly say that I came to love every single one of the six guys on Study Abroad through BYU that we met back in Shanghai. It was so nice to be around worthy priesthood holders who genuinely cared about our safety. They did, and continue to do, and would do, anything we asked them. 

We're actually headed to Nanjing tomorrow to spend a couple days with them! Oh, why? Well.

I'm serving a mission as soon as I return from China! For sake of time, I'll just copy and paste an email I sent to one of my friends from Nanjing. Sorry for any inside jokes from the trip! 

 So flashback to sophomore year. Or ninth grade. Or I guess my entire life. I distinctly remember my mom asking me if I wanted to serve a mission when I was like, eight. We were sitting on the couch reading Harry Potter and I told her straight up that I wanted to go on a mission. My older sister Kaytlen started bawling because she couldn’t even imagine leaving home haha. But I guess it’s just never been something I’ve had to think about. I made my decision years ago that I’d serve a mission. As  precocious little reader I’d already read the Book of Mormon by age 9, and I’ve just always known that the church was true. So when I hit sophomore year and Kelsi got her call, it’s just always been engrained in me that I’d serve a mish. Especially because I was so anti-male haha. Every single boy in every single seminary class (well, every single boy I’ve EVER encountered… EVER. LITCHRALLY) tried to tell me that I’d never make it to a mish and that I’d be married the second I was out of high school.

Which is bizarre, because I only kissed one person in high school. Twice. Hahaha. Ne’er had a legit BF in my life. And the only time I did…he was our chauffeur in Pooptown. And he dumped us. Like a dump. A literal dump. Take it how you will. Boooyyyyffffrrriiiieeennnnnndddddd!! But I just told everyone that I’d be serving a mission.

Then I graduated at the tender age of 17 and barely turned 18 when I went to callege. And I sort of dated a couple people (it’s a REAL loose term) and realized that I probably wouldn’t make it to the ripe old age of 21 before I got married. But then I had this little hope inside me that I would, just because I had felt so strongly that I’d get to serve a mission.

Back in January, I went to five of my friends’ farewells in one day. You have to understand that going on a mission had reached the obsessive point where I thought about it all day and accepting the fact that I probs wouldn’t go hurt my heart every time. So ya know, the green jealousy monster came out in my heart a bit. I decided I needed to go on an adventure, at least. So the next day, I talked to Shelby, and through a series of miracles, I had almost everything lined up to go to China in a period of about four hours.  SO IT’S WHATEVER, RIGHT? I’ll get to be a little service missionary in China.

Then my friend’s older sister (Jeneca Todd, do you know her? Andrew Todd? They’re pretty cool.) asked me to do a duet in her senior showcase cause she was graduating from the dance program in April. I mean, NBD, I’m one of two freshmen in the whole showcase. Hahaha I just have connections, that’s all. But then the dance department chair came to meet me after the performances and invited me to be in the program. So, a month later of prayer and fasting, I coordinated with them to do an accommodated audition and all of a sudden I was a dance ed major. Everything worked out nicely! But it kind of sealed off the fact I probs wouldn’t be going on a mission because it’d be difficult to take a break in the middle of the program just because it’s so meticulously extensive.

I accepted it and just gave my whole heart to China! So when we heard the news at the end of the best week of my life, it was such a blessing. The past eight months have been littered with blind guesses at my future, acting solely on promptings and hoping I’d end up in the right place somehow. As many times as I’ve prayed to know what or why, I’ve received the answer that I need to continue to move forward in patience and faith. Which is probably one of the most difficult answers to receive.

Then as I came to Pooptown and had some of the most difficult times of my life as I’ve been completely isolated and without any sort of help but to surrender to the jurisdiction of a lazy male-dominated administration.  All I’ve been told while I’ve been here is to be patient. To wait for things to straighten themselves out. I’ve always been the kind of person to just make things work if other people aren’t doing their part, but I’ve been in situations where there is literally nothing I can do but wait.

And then I’ve encountered an abnormal amount of bad luck for the time that we’ve been here, with stolen phones, missed trains, no stipend, not teaching, no hot water, no water, broken camera, lost keys, no internet—basically everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong. I’ve had to completely give myself to the Lord in these situations and put my trust in Him with my whole heart. Time and time again, I’ve been taught that things will work out.

Then, I don’t know if Shelby sent you our co-written email of the crabist jellyfisher, but basically a man on the beach was high and kifed my camera case but then realized there wasn’t anything in it. EXCEPT THE ROOM KEY. Which I’d already paid to replace because I might have accidentally broken it, then we almost lost it, and now it was stolen. After an hour of trying to get him to fess up and searching through the sand and everything imaginable, we finally trudged back to the hostel to cough up Y50 for a new key. We walked in and Joe’s wife looked perplexed and by our fantastic charades skills we determined she was saying something about a camera. LADY, THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO TAKE PICTURES. But then she reached in her desk and pulled out my camera case.

All five RMB I had stowed in there was still there, as was the room key and the nice little sticky note I had the man at the sombrero hostel write the Joe’s Seaside Inn address on. At that moment, I finally understood what Heavenly Father had been trying to teach me! That even when things are going horribly, horribly wrong, they’re actually going right. And they always will, as long as we trust in the Lord. What a tender mercy to know in that moment that Heavenly Father is always there. He really is my best friend. And I know that sounds bizarre to say, but it even talks about it in my patriarchal blessing. I’ve never been more grateful for the all-encompassing power of the Atonement—that Christ is the mediator and that I can literally speak with God and understand who I am through His love.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! When we were passed along the news of the mission, I knew immediately that I’d be going as soon as possible. It was never really a decision I had to make. All of a sudden the last cog clicked into place and the immense amount of stress I’ve encountered the past year made sense. The way that nothing seemed to go the way I planned became a blessing. I’m going on a mission with no reservations, no doubts, no obligations or second thoughts. I can give my service and my whole heart and soul entirely to the Lord. Suddenly, all of my petty fears and insecurities simply don’t matter because I know that I am a servant of the Lord, ushering in the gathering of Israel. He knows my heart. I can’t even fathom how perfect the timing is. This new revelation will completely change missionary work, and I am one who is most directly affected by it. A girl too young for her grade to consider it could even be a possibility, a girl who spent her summer reading and memorizing Preach My Gospel with the full knowledge she’d never get to employ it, a girl who wouldn’t be able to take a break from the dance program but went through every single possible way she could graduate by 21 so she could serve a mission. THAT GIRL IS ME. And I know this sounds crazy dramatic, but you guys have always known you’d have the opportunity. That it was expected of you—and though you had to make a conscious decision to go, there really wasn’t an option not to. As soon as you throw that second option in there and magnify it by the stereotypical pressure of BYU freshmeat/graduate ASAP to support a husband through college and have babies, THEN factor in my young age, it’s no longer a viable option to go.

So here I am on sensory overload. Pedro must have been voted as class president because all my wildest dreams have come true.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL. I obviously need to pray about it, to make sure I’m doing the right thing. Scripture after scripture I flip to is all about the gathering of Israel and how I, specifically, will be a part of it. 1 Nephi 4:15-31. 2 Nephi 29:7. 2 Nephi 31:20. Mosiah 27:36-37. Mosiah 28:19. Alma 26:37. Alma 31:30-33. Alma 32:6. Alma 43:1-2. Alma 62:50-51. Helaman 13. Helaman 14:10-16. 3 Nephi 5:23-26. 3 Nephi 18:25. Ether 4:7, 11-14. Moroni 8. Moroni 9:6. Every single one of those scriptures was a random find, but exactly what I needed to validate my feelings toward service.

And then again as I read Mosiah 1-7 on the train, there’s just no way that I will ever be able to deny that the Lord has a place for me in the next 21 months. It’s, like you said, a glimpse into what the Lord has in store for me. For the first time in my life, I’m pressing forward with His plan for me in complete assurance that it is right. I’ve been moving forward in hope and faith for a couple years now, but now I get to go into this with a full knowledge that this is where I need to be.

And because of that knowledge, I have no doubts or fears. I’ve never felt more sure about something in my life. What a blessing it is to a part of this gospel. It’s so real. It’s so true. And it’s not one of those things that is real because I love it. I love it because it’s real. Because the peace it brings isn’t contrived or the effect of psychology. The gospel is the gateway to immediate happiness in this life and a promise for blessings eternally. Like the brass serpent of old where people had to merely cast their eyes to be healed, we need to merely cast our hearts to the Savior and be healed and experience peace. And now I get to be a literal servant of the Lord, endowed with power to cause people to simply look. I get to wear the Lord’s name over my heart every day for a year and a half—but not only wear it, share it.

I’ve never felt more blessed or full of hope. Like a stone cut out of the mountain, the work will never stop. And I have the privilege and duty to be a part of it.

So that’s where I’m coming from. Word.

I started my papers as soon as I heard. So I found out Saturday night, which was Saturday morning for all you kids, then through a bunch of miracles I got in contact with my bishop in Springville who approved me to  start my papers! I took some glamour shots last night (they're not glamorous), and everything is ready to go. I contacted the Nanjing Branch president and his sweet wife is taking us to the doctor and the dentist on Saturday. Once I submit those, I'll have a skype interview with my bishop and my stake president and my papers will be submitted. My availability date is January 1st, 2013. 

So there you have it. Imma serve a MISSION! And the best part is that I get a full two years, counting China :) I am so blessed. 

My screen shot of my missionary pictures. All done!!! :)