Side Note from Kelsi

Ahem...To Marissa's Faithful Readers,

Please excuse the delay in this past blog post.  Something called the-crazy-50-hour-work-week-in-four-days-because-it's-the-first-week-of-school happened. 

对不起.

I had to look up 'fraught' before I used it in a post

Last night was a night fraught with existential realism, if such a thing exists. We did go to the park, which was beautiful (and at this point if my beautiful assistant Kelsi would post those pictures I sent her, that would be ideal...check).

 

Last night was a night fraught with existential realism, if such a thing exists. We did go to the park, which was beautiful (and at this point if my beautiful assistant Kelsi would post those pictures I sent her, that would be ideal).

And June took us to dinner and paid for it, the bum.

We got back though, tired from walking around for three hours, and crashed. I emailed a few people back (HI DAKOTA, HI KIRA) and then just got to thinking about life. I actually climbed up on our 3.5 foot tall 4 feet wide windowsill and opened the window, and conveniently the screen slides out too (it's a suicidal death trap (I don't know why I feel the need to point out my humor in double-parenthetical inserts, but that was irony at its finest)). I laid on the majestically massive window sill, listened to the sound of horns and fireworks and just thought.

Here's the part fraught with existential realism. 

Among the 7 billion people on the planet, why am I here right now? What do I have to offer that no one else hasn't already given? And why does my suffering matter, even though people suffer every day in ways I can't even begin to comprehend? I know we need to live to learn to serve others and ultimately live in God's presence, but is the ultimate goal truly happiness?

And why, of all the people in the world, including billions of people that are more generous, more hopeful, more intelligent than I, does my happiness matter.

It's not that I was doubting my origin, existence, or future, I just began to doubt whether I would really be making a difference. But then I thought of the quote from LOTR, which I will now quote from memory because Google is BLOCKED here (and you all know, there's a cuss of a lot of things to Google).

It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing. This shadow, even the darkness, must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something to you even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. It's because they were holding onto something. That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.

I know I've used that quote several times in my life, but it means something new every time. This time, it means that even though the future looks bleak sometimes, even though I am sequestered in this un-airconditioned apartment on the third floor and cannot leave without walking to the school to ask someone in authority, even though I feel inadequate to change the lives of my students, it will all work out. And it will work out because I know that, and I'm paraphrasing President Uchtdorf (I miss you Google), you cannot suffer forever. No matter what you encounter, there will always be a pocket of joy packed into your day. There will always be a crack of light that dispels the darkness. And someday, this will all be over and we can experience pure and unending happiness.

And as I looked at the full moon and fell asleep for about an hour looking out the window, I realized that it doesn't matter if a single person is grateful that I am alive (I know at least my family is, don't fret, I'm not crazy) because God cares about me enough to allow me to be here--to simply be living. And the more I develop a seamless friendship with my Heavenly Father, the more I know that He truly does want me to happy.

And this is the great paradox of man. Compared to God, we are nothing. But in God's eyes, we are everything. (Pres. Uchtdorf)

So happy Sunday. CTR, kids.

CULTURE SHOCKS

So I’m listening to ‘Dueling Banjos’ right now. And my mom thinks that bluegrass is not American. I’ll tell YOU what, it’s about as American as it gets. China has their own version of pop. But they sure as heck don’t have bluegrass and country music! It’s all you need. I will testify of country music till the day I die. I only wish they sold cowboy boots here :/ Mom’s rolling over in her grave. That she just dug and climbed in. I WISH PEOPLE WOULD JUST ACCEPT ME FOR MY MUSIC CHOICES.

 

Here’s some funny things about China I think you’d appreciate. And I’m not sure that I’ve introduced my list fetish to you yet, but gash I sure do love a good list. Mother Theresa (who is not Baptist, or a black woman from the South, Kaytlen) once said, “I sure do love a good list because they are the bomb.com.”

 

I HEAR THAT MAMA T.

 

-          They squat. EVERYWHERE. They squat at breakfast, they squat on the side of the street, they squat at school, they squat to smoke, they squat to take a dump. No, it’s not a wonder that the women here have amazing legs. It’s because they squat like BOSSES.

-          No, they’re really not very tall. I feel like I’m seeing the world from a whole different perspective here. I’m like, taller than most of the women. Which brings me to number three.

-          The women wear heels EVERYWHERE they go. Oh, just a nice little jaunt through the park. Let me wear my HEELS. I was just thinking of hiking the Great Wall, Imma just put on my best HEELS. It’s a true story. HIKING the Great Wall of China in HEEEEEELSSSSSSS. ???

-          There isn’t any carpet anywhere. So, Kelsee Ann? Appreciate carpet while you can. Also the mops are downright filthy. They just spread the dirt around (and to my Cherry Hill peeps, share a hearty LOL with me with our inside joke about mops).

-          The beds are the equivalent of a wooden board elevated off the ground with an inch thick rock hard mattress and a blanket on top. It’s incredible. And surprisingly comfortable now. Then again, I can sleep just. About. Anywhere.

-          The men smoke ALLLLLLL the time. And also it smells like crap. And I mean that literally. It LITERALLY smells like crap. Because there’s crap all over the streets. I MEAN THAT LITERALLY TOO. So we love living in Crapsmoke Town. It’s incredible.

-          They never have any cleavage. Like they mini-skirt it like crazy and the men usually have about a foot of open shirt, but the women never have low-cut shirts. Which is kind of nice!

-          They drink tea almost as much as they drink hot water. They won’t drink cold water, just hot. Plain, hot water.

-          EVERYTHING IS TACKY

-          Tai Chi in the parks in the morning and all throughout the day is REAL!!

-          They’re all so thin because they eat a lot to keep their metabolisms going and they are also sooo active! Any of their parks aren’t for sitting. They have recreational equipment to work out. At the park the other day I saw a grandma doing pull ups on a tree branch. They walk or bike everywhere also!

-          Lines do not exist. Like I feel perfectly comfortable pushing elderly people out of the way (in a nice way) to get onto a bus. Because they can get nasty! And it’s not like a space will open up for you to get anywhere. It’s either push to progress or end up missing important buses.

-          The men are extremely lazy. As far as I can tell, they just squat on the side of the street half-clothed and just check you out as you walk by. Or they’re walking around with their shirt pulled up like a man-sports-bra with their hands on their bellies, hacking(hawking?) loogies.

-          They will stare you down and won’t look away, even if you make eye contact, until you say something. Then they get embarrassed. YES, I KNOW YOU’RE STARING AT ME. COULD YOU PLEASE STOP. YES, MY EYES ARE BIG (ten little girls told me that about fourteen times yesterday, and about four others on four different occasions) AND I HAVE LIGHT AND LONG HAIR. NO NEED TO STARE. But they do. One time Shelby and I were pageant winners with sashes and greeted everyone as they came into the school (it was nothing short of awful), and I counted nineteen people who stared so long they tripped over something in front of them. And it’s not like, I’m such a stunner people trip over things. It’s like, wow, look at that thing.

-          They are VERY respectful.

-          They don’t take compliments. When you say thank you, or compliment them, they say, oh it’s nothing or that’s not true. That’s just how it works! Oh, your child is very beautiful! Oh, no, she’s really not. That’s their way of saying thank you? Mom and Dad please don’t adopt that in America…

-          People dig through the trash to make sure they recycle. They save/re-use everything. Like their outfits, for one thing. Incredible.

-          They are very good at making you wait. If I had a dollar for every hour I’ve aimlessly waited for something at the school, I’d have at least eleven dollars. They shuffle us to a room, tell us to sit, and three hours later they move us somewhere else. But when it comes to public transportation, there is NO waiting. Trains leave ON THE DOT.

-          The students are trained to do exactly what the teacher says. It’s like they lose their vigor to learn and the enjoyment in everything. They wait for the teacher to tell them what to do, then they do it. The creativity is stifled.

-          They are so giving. They just keep giving, then wave it off as nothing. It’s very refreshing to be in such a selfless culture.

-          Everything is dirty. And not even like, messy dirty. Dirty dirty. You just learn to get over it.

-          The food is amazing. And there aren’t any preservatives in it, which is absolutely lovely. I’ve never felt healthier.

-          They smile SO much! And they smile with their whole face.

-          Driving is terrifying. It’s a bit like Mario Kart, but with oncoming traffic. They just kinda go for it with a friendly honk to make sure people know they’re coming. I’ve always wanted to take Mario Kart to the next level. Mushroom Cup, Special Cup, Reverse Cup, CHINA CUP. OF HOT WATER YOU HAVE TO DRINK.

-          I poop fifteen minutes after every meal. It’s amazing.

-          NO, it’s NOT cloudy today. It’s POLLUTION. Noobs.

-          When they don’t understand you, they just nod their heads at you and smile. When they understand you, they just nod their heads at you and smile.

-          You can literally say whatever you want because they don’t understand you 90% of the time. If you talk quickly and use primarily slang words, code words, or large words, there’s no chance in heck they’re gonna know what you’re saying. Example: Dude, our driver is such an aesthetically pleasing Asian. Boyfriend. IF YOU WERE MY B.F. CHANG I’D NEVER LET YOU GO you hottie face lolz. Actual conversation. BOYFRIEND! Shelby and I straight up talk about people around us because no matter what you say with a smile, they just smile at you or completely ignore you. LIKE WHEN YOU SIT AROUND FOR THREE HOURS WAITING TO BE RELOCATED. EVERY SINGLE DAY. So if you see on FB that I listened to J. Biebs, it’s because we dance party to Boyfriend all the time because we sing it more than anyone ever should.

-          When you suck up to people that creep hard on you, they give you fried eggs at dinner. Thx VP. NOW ALL WE WANT TO DO IS TEACH SOME CHILDREN SOME THINGZZZ. They still haven’t given us classes. Today they made me stand and talk to a class so they could film me. Thirty seconds later, they made me go up to the sixth floor for a half hour. Then they brought me to the second floor for an hour. I hate. :/

-          The adorable kids are making me baby hungry. And I’m not even dating anyone. Heck, I don’t even have prospects for dating anyone. I JUST WANT AN ASIAN BABY FOREVER.

-          People point with their middle fingers. Hahaaahahaaha.

 

Dude. We bought gum at the supermarket. I just put it in my mouth and I’ve never been so happy. Gum is a nice thing. I’m craving pizza and also German pancakes. Which neither are technically American, but COUNTRY MUSIC IS!

 

Do svidanya, Anya.

Hey all you people.

HI. So I got a VPN. Hi blogger. It's nice to see you. Looks like I'll be posting by myself for a while. But I got three hours of sleep last night, so looks like I'll be taking a nap instead. Much love from across the world!

Changyi

So, as per my natural repulsion to married couples, I got to sit right next to one for the entire FOUR HOUR (I know it was sooooo long) train ride. It actually wasn't too bad. I just feel like it was foreboding the rest of the day.

Our cute liaison picked us up with two other men who immediately grabbed our bags and wouldn't let us carry them for the rest of the time! It was incredible! Driving through Weifong (the large city next to Changyi) was surprisingly calm. There's not very many people on the streets here compared to Beijing. And, thank HEAVENS (get used to the fact that I put nearly e'er thing in caps) Jacob and Riley (Jacob is the guy in charge of China Horizons, and Riley is his 8-year old son) were with us! We literally, not even misusing literally, would have been lost in the night without them. I can't fathom how any of the other people survived their first day without Jacob there.

We go to lunch, and have some delicious dishes including donkey meat (all I could think about was that poor donkey by the Great Wall :/), deep fried fishies with the scales and head and everything still on, and some lovely mian. The Rile-ster wouldn't eat any of it; and if he did, he pulled a face of obvious distaste. His manners were perfect. Perfect to make us look sophisticated. So thank you, Riley, for playing on the Kindle and contorting your body in bizarre ways to avoid eating deep fried fishies.

We then drove to the school and they showed us our apartment which is, by the way, ginormica. Holla! Come to find out, though, our Internet wouldn't set up, and also I took a nice three-minute frozen shower today! It's a fun time.

They chauffeur us over to the school and lead us up to the headmaster's office. Ohhhhhh Mr. Wan. Here's how I describe him. He's a big man. A big Asian man. But like, not really fat, he's just very big-boned and tall. And also he just stares at us and sits us on the couch for hours like we're pets. I'm not kidding. We sat on the couch for hours while Riley ate rancid peanuts and we drank liquified cheese. They did give us Dove chocolate though.

This is the part where the narrator on Spongebob comes into play.

"Three hours laterrr."

These people come up with a video camera and a camera and we parade around the school and the grounds while they take our picture and video us. Then we go over where all the junior high boys are playing basketball and they have us shoot hoops. In our dresses. While they video us. And watch us. Then they called us professionals because I can mock a pretty good shot. Keyword is MOCK. I can't even handle it. Once again, thank goodness for Riley being s'darn A.D.D.

"Two hours laterrr."

Marissa: Shelby.. I gotta pee. Really bad. AT THE APARTMENT.
Shelby: I need an Ibuprofen.
Marissa: HEAVEN HELP US.
Jacob: They need to go back to their apartment--

Creepy vice-principal who literally is OBSESSED with me in maybe a pedophiliac way: OHhhh kay. We take you back. Then go to dinner. Run in, get medicine, go to dinner.

Marissa: Wai---

VP: Okay let's go!

We have three seconds in our apartment to take a break. Thanks, thanks for that.

Then we go settle Jacob in at his hotel.

"One hour laterrrr"

We finally get to the restaurant. They stick Shelby on the other side of Riley, and I have to sit by the loud woman, who she sat next to, after they got all drunk. And on my other side was her friend who giggled incessantly at all the raunchy things they were probably saying about us in Chinese.

So they kept feeding us. And kept insisting that we drink. Over and over and over. Thank goodness I have zero temptation to drink alcohol, because it was an insistent offer. I can now say I've eaten pig intestine, squid, calamari (raw), giant beetle thing, and lotus root. I thought of you the entire time though, because the spinning disc in the middle was incredibly huge. They must have spent a small fortune on that dinner.

They were all semi-drunk when Flat-Top Man asked our translator to get us to come with him to our apartment to fix the water. But then he was like, only one. And we were like, um, no, both of us. And he was like, only one. And we were like, um, no, both of us. Etc. Then we both went. And we climbed all ten flights of stairs to our apartment and they literally walked in, looked at the shower, and walked out. Then we drove back to the restaurant.
?????????????????

When we got back, Jacob was leaving with Riley because he was pooped as we were but he's eight and can do whatever he wants, but they made us stay for dumplings. Our translator left with them, so it's four drunk women, four very drunk men, and us two sitting at this table. Then they started seeing who could down their glasses fast enough.

Shelby and I just sat.

And I've probably never wanted to cry in my entire life as much as I wanted to. Surrounded by drunk people, no English speakers, no Jacob, no phones, no Internet, no hot water, and no room in my stomach to even allow me to breathe.

Then, our stomachs already bursting, Mr. Wan, the headmaster, stuck five dumplings on our plates and sat and made us eat two. I almost threw up. And you know what? I wish I had. I'm still full. I can't handle very much food at one time as it is! Finally our translator got back and I was like, we need to go. Now. And she looks at Shelby and says, Oh, you very tired I see. YES WE ARE TIRED. TAKE US HOOMMMMMEEEEEE.

Finally, they take us home. But not without a thousand creepy goodbyes from VP. :///////

Then the Internet still didn't work. And I hated everyone. The end.

Oh. But then they were like, we take you to breakfast tomorrow at half-past seven?

AAAAHHHHHHHHH.

At 7:15 this morning, VP came to pick us up and rang our doorbell for hours even as we were climbing down our ten flights of stairs. And even though we spent nine hours at the school yesterday, we spent yet another two just sitting there.

But then a lovely girl came and saved us and took us home and brought someone to fix our internet. I think our original liaison, Penny, got a bit overwhelmed because she's a new teacher this year, but a girl we affectionately have named June is our new liaison. She took us to get SIM cards, and even paid for it! So we can text people. But who do we text? June. :) I literally have a non-gay creep crush on her just because she's adorable in every way. And she totally gets us. June was the girl who translated for us at dinner.

After the cellphone place, they took us to the supermarket! It was like a semi-trashy WalMart. Which is great, in my head! But how many stores do you know sell baby alligators in the back? Oh, well this one had them in stock so don't worry, we can buy baby alligators to eat in case we get hungry.

She kept loading stuff into the cart and would say, "Pick TWO." And we'd pick two bars of soap. "Pick three more." And we'd get three more kinds of fruit. It was lovely, really. She even stuck about eight moon cakes in a bag and said, Eat these! They are Chinese delicacy. They really weren't that good. But it was very nice of her.



We go to the check out counter and it ends up being about 430 yuan. For two grocery carts full of stuff. InCREDible. I go to pay for it and June refuses and pays for it herself. On the way out, she even bought me a comb! The man selling the combs told me how he's been to New York, asked me why I'm here, then said, Good. We NEED you here. Thank you, thank you.




I wanted to cry. These people are so generous and selfless, even though they have very little. They are happy, even, and are grateful for everything they receive. I love them so much. I can't wait to share the gospel with them someday.




When Shelby and I got back, we unpacked everything and then did some Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. OHHHHHH JILLIAN. You like to think it was YOU who kicked my butt, but I'd have to say that its the 95 degree weather with 400% humidity and an air conditioner that works minimally. Needless to say, you worked me pretty hard.




The next morning, we went to the school for a meeting at 7:30 that ended up being a nonexistent meeting.. We were led astray :/




So naturally, according to Chinese customs and culture,




-THREE HOURS LATERRR-




Literally, three hours later, I ask June if we needed to be there, and she told us we could go back to our 'department' to rest. We cleaned a lot and ended up doing our laundry in the sink because the washing machine leaks like a champion. It was a fun time.




This morning I woke up and read the Ensign for September, and as I was reading I felt the Spirit so strongly that every article was meant for me! Go ahead and read it. It's amazing once you put on a lens specifically on the Chinese people, how everything becomes relevant to you in a different way. The Lord is so thoughtful. I'm so grateful to Him.




We then went to the school to 'ask leave,' because we've been told we can't leave the apartment unless we ask authority, so we sat there for about an hour until June ushered us to the playground where we walked around and talked. She said we can call her our jie jie, which means older sister! She's twenty-three and is just that. I love her! We walked back to the school because we heard someone singing and up on the fifth floor, where the music room was, two teachers were singing an opera. It was BEAUTIFUL. Then they had us do a talent show of sorts! Shelby and I played and sang songs for about an hour haha. They even made me dance for them. Tomorrow, actually, the music teacher wants me to meet with her so I can learn a Chinese song! They taught me how to read Chinese music and I'm excited to go learn it!




We came back to the apartment and June showered here because she doesn't have hot water (apparently we do! We're just a little special) then we showed her pictures of home and made her a peanut butter sandwich. It's off to the park in ten minutes, though, so more stories to come!




PEACE.

Final Beijing Recap

Hello, you've reached Marissa. I'm currently unavailable, as I am in CHINA FOR THE NEXT FOUR MONTHS.

I'm so happy. I told a few of you that I've never used so many optimistically epic adjectives to describe a single experience. I am utterly thrilled to be here. And I have become so much more confident in who I am at my core--stripped of appearance, achievements, and biases. My hopes, dreams, and aspirations are clear and I feel honest and uniquely alive.

Did you catch all that?

I read books. Loooottsssss offfff booookkkssssss.

I used to have a touch lamp on my nightstand, so I would stay up every single night with this touch lamp on the highest setting so that when I heard my parents coming down the hall all I had to do was swipe my finger across any of the metal and it would soundlessly flood with darkness as I shoved my book under my covers or pretend I had fallen asleep reading. Most parents have children who sneak out or stay up playing computer games (I did it with my Gameboy sometimes too :/ Hi, confessionals), but I just read books like MAD.

That being said, I have acquired a delicious command of the English language (in my head...), and I believe that there is the perfect word for everything. And I fully intend to use those perfect words! But don't worry. I go through and change some of my obscure words to more colloquial ones (SLANG). 

Buuuuut, I think that's what's going to make it so great teaching English to students that really don't know that much. I'll have to find a way to articulate myself without relying entirely on language, which is something I tend to do. There's so many different ways to teach! And although I'm more comfortable speaking, I'll need to delve deeper into different teaching methods to broaden the comprehension of the students I'll be teaching in the not-too-distant future.

I'm sorry. I really should tone it down. 

IF I HAD A YUAN FOR EVERY TIME PEOPLE HAVE COME UP WITH AN OFFENSIVE NAME FOR ME MAKING FUN OF MY VOCABULARY, I'D HAVE AT LEAST 10!

....Several days pass.....

I found this in my drafts. Then I read it. And I thought, Shoot. What in the world was I even getting at.

So. Sorry for the random thoughts?...

Oh! Okay. So. Teaching seminars. We had this lady named Gail teach us. She was craaaaaazyyyyyyy. And also, the seminars were from 8-5 on Monday and Tuesday, which isn't entirely ideal when you consider the fact that nothing is ever air-conditioned and also the lady teaching basically says the same thing fourteen different times at various points throughout the chronic lesson (yes, I just referred to it as a disease). 

At any rate, I got ideas for lesson plans. And it quelled some fears I have. But all-in-all, it was about eight hours too long. Probably just because Gail is a terrifying woman. She does love her students, but she's loud and obnoxious and says things like 'a artist.' OH GAIL. USE THE N. AN ARTIST.

GAAAAIL NO!

But Monday night, we went to the Chinese acrobat show. Holyyyyyyyy. It was incredible. Before it even started, the Chingrish was almost too much to handle.

"1. Play Pimp. 2. Ball skills." 

Play Pimp?... I was awake the whole show, and I'm pretty sure I didn't see anything close to a play pimp. 

I wish I could go into detail to describe everything that happened, but I can't possibly get it all in there. At the end, they brought on this giant metal ball and a motorcyclist went in and drove around it like Mario Kart! He was driving in circles from side to side, and even going on the ceiling, in a figure eight, everything. Then another guy came out and joined in! And another! Until there were FIVE guys on motorcycles going around in this metal sphere onstage! Then they turned off the lights and it was just their headlights weaving in and out of each other. It was EPIC.

After the acrobat show, we walked around Beijing for about two hours haha.

Sorry for the lack of details. I'm writing in retrospect.

Tuesday, after the giant seminar, we went to dinner as a group and then about five of us went to rent scooters and we cruised around Beijing! It was terrifying! You have to consider that we're a group of white people weaving in and out of a million people--literally a million--and with no respect for any traffic laws, there were a few close calls. But we were fine! And turns out, I'm an epic driver. I can weave like you wouldn't BELIEVE. See how I did that? Weave? Believe? Hahaaahahha.

Anyway. We were looking for a lake north of Tiananmen Square because we heard that it's fantastic at night, but it was really difficult to try to follow a map when there isn't anything...on...the map... 

But we did find a square where a whole bunch of old people were getting together to dance! So we parked our scooters and were watching them when somebody slapped my shoulder and spun me around and all of a sudden I was fox-trotting with this old woman who didn't speak English! It was incredible. Everyone danced for a few songs, then we were off to find the square.

When we finally found it, it was probably the most amazing experience I've had. It's like the lake on Tangled. But encased by clubs with live bands every 20 feet and paddle boats and weeping willows surrounding it with beautiful lights strung everywhere. Unfortunately, my camera took a turn for the worst and the lens wouldn't go back in and it wouldn't turn on or I would have taken a picture!

Prayer works, though, and it turned on when we got back. 

We bought popsicles and walked around the lake and I honestly have no words that could adequately describe the finesse partying and the magical atmosphere. It was like a festival that happens every day.

All in all, the Beijing trip is something that I will never forget. Obviously, since I already have a creepy memory, but it really was perfect in every way. Even when it wasn't perfect, it was. Does that make sense? Probably not.

Anyway. BYE.

Sunday on La Grande Beijing

Happy self-proclaimed Fast Sunday because you don’t want to break the Sabbath day by buying food on
Sunday!

I started to justify in my head why it’s totally fine to buy food—that we don’t have a fridge, that I really
need to exchange money anyway, that I’m going to church, stuff like that. But then I remembered the
example my mom set for me when we went to New York my sophomore year. Before the trip, we went
and bought things to keep us satisfied all day. And we lived off of Pop Tarts, beef jerky, and granola bars.
And I have felt so blessed because of that.

Due to unforeseen expenditures of my time, I packed with no thought toward the arrival tour or Sunday
foods. Last night, when I actually figured out what day it is, it hit me that I’d have to make this choice.
Thank you Mom, for teaching me what is right. It’s the accumulation of simple choices like this that
foundationally strengthen your character.

So I ended up ducking into store after store, trying to find some non-perishable foods that don’t need
refrigeration. After perusing every store along the entire alley our hostel is in, I said a small prayer in
my heart that I’d be able to find food. Thank goodness for the overpriced loaf of stale-ish—but sweet-
ish—bread I was able to find! And thank goodness I have a creepy obsession with peanut butter (can an
obsession with peanut butter be creepy?) and packed two jars!

Lesson learned. It’s not even that if I had bought food on the Sabbath I would be a bad person, or that it
is even the wrong decision. I just feel that because I had the courage to do so, I have been blessed with a
greater portion of the Spirit today. The gospel is more additive than subtractive. Though we may not be
doing things to regress from where we have come, we aren’t progressing, which is absolutely imperative
to do if we intend to someday reach our full potential.

So I fasted breakfast and lunch, then wrote in my journal and took a slight nap (on my journal…) before I
broke my fast and ate a deliciously stale peanut butter sandwich.

We did have church this morning at 10:30, so we braved the ever-ominous and entirely different/
terrifying world of THE SUBWAY to travel to it. Spending time in cities like New York and Chicago, I feel,
have made me relatively subway-savvy. But it certainly helps when the networks aren’t as extensive as
Beijing, there aren’t half as many sweaty bodies, and everything isn’t written in a language that looks
like a chicken got ink on its foot and hopped around.

We did survive, however. I was tempted to buy a shirt that says I climbed the Great Wall, but I would be
thrilled to find a shirt that says I survived the Beijing subway! With the exclamation point, of course, for
added enthusiasm. It’s probably not that much of a feat considering we mostly just followed the group
of about forty people we were with, BUT STILL. I SURVIVED THE BEIJING SUBWAY!

After emerging from the depths, we walked a little ways and entered a nice building where we
proceeded to cram 15 people at a time into an elevator to get to the fourth floor. What a sweet miracle
it was to see those tacky bulletin boards posted outside church offices that feature over-zealous posters
for activities, the baptisms for the month, and a few church messages. In English! INCREDIBLE! It was

like having church in an office building, though, which was more interesting than not. I was surprised to
see how many people showed up! I met a sweet lady who’s been serving a mission with her husband in
Hong Kong for the past nine months, and came to visit Beijing for the week. Also, GET THIS! Anyone here
know Gidianny Gutierrez?! Well she taught Relief Society! She’s been here for nine months also with
her husband and as I stared at her I knew I knew her and then it hit me like a BRICK. She has the same
face, same voice, same way of writing on the board… OH, she was in my seminary class when I was a
sophomore! And then all of a sudden I remembered she wrote Chinese on the board often!

Guys. I have a creepy memory. It’s impeccable. Chances are, I remember every single detail about you.
So watch out. Don’t cross me or it’ll be etched in my memory forever. I’ve decided that I have been
blessed to be very perceptive about people and how they act…I probably know things about you that
YOU don’t even know. There are some that will testify to this. I might be making it up. But don’t pop my
balloon or pin-the-tail-on-the-DONKEY cause “I like that about myself and I like myself and I have a lot of
other really great qualities” (well-spoken, Marcel the Shell).

But yeah. Church was beautiful. The speakers talked a lot about faith, which is something I’ve really
come to learn more about these past few months, and I’m sure I’ll come to develop more of in the next
few years. Which is terrifying, because the fear of the unknown is prevalent in my mind. But although
I may have simply developed theories that haven’t transferred to my everyday life, I’ve learned about
faith as a real facet of our minds and lives.

Most recently, I’ve come to accept that fear and faith cannot coexist. I’ve heard it a million times, but
never truly grasped the concept. If I have a mustardseed amount of faith, fear is immediately dispelled.
Think about it. I’m afraid for what the next four months may hold for me—what trials, insecurities, and
shortcomings may take hold of me. But as soon as I take a step back, take ONE breath, and imagine the
power of the Atonement guiding me through the next four months, I feel fine. Granted, my faith has
a lot of improving to do, but I can repeat that process as often as I need to feel at peace with what my
future holds.

Faith is a hope for the future—a hope that we can move mountains that loom over us. It is more than
simply enduring to the end, though. It’s pressing forward with a brightness of hope and with optimism
and excitement for where our path will take us next.

Thank you, Beijing 1st Branch, for letting my join your ward on Sunday. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for
answering my prayers so quickly. Thank you, family, for loving me despite my many flaws. Thank you,
Shelby, for being the best China companion anyone could ask for. Thank you, concerned citizen, for
taking the time to read the musings of a girl roaming around a Communist country. Thank you, Asian
babies, for being s’darn cute. Thank you, whoever that was out in the hall, for terrifying me with your
strikingly incredible giant-hungry-bird-is-going-to-attack-me sound effect. Wait a minute. Yeah, that just
happened. I’m not even concerned. Hi.

But really. I am so blessed. Hey. Have a little faith. Because life is an adventure. And we’d do well to
remember that it’s the process that counts—not the event. Wise words from a pretty solid teacher I
may or may not have taken classes from for three consecutive years, and probably spent more time with

than my friends. Hi.

Anyway.

Bye.

P.S. I always start writing these posts with a full-intention to proofread and polish when I’m done. Am
I about to do that? Newwwpppp. Sorry for grammatical structural defects, misspellings (silly of you to
think I’d misspell anything), or me simply using the wrong word. I’m in a foreign country here, where
everything is you want buy honey water melon (it’s DEW, not WATER) and stay door colse. I’m working
on it!