Also.

Sorry for the lack of posting! My VPN, which allows me to get on Blogger, hasn't been working. Also, I won't be back for a week because I'm going to HAINAN.

Check it out on Google. 

It's incred.

PEACE

The Tale... of Victor.

Shelby and I wanted to plan a little excursion to Qingdao, but we're tired of being dependent on the school which has been an absolute trial to work with. So Shelby employed some of her magical smiling qualities to get the teacher that is helping her in the primary school to show us how to get to Weifang (where the train station is) without having the school drive us there. AKA a long distance bus. 

Oh thanks, Victor.

BUT WAIT! You've met him before! Doo youuuu remember?!?! Victor is the teacher who must have learned English from an exceedingly feminine French man and stopped us by the side of the road one night to talk to us.

Victor truly is a sweetheart, though. He was more than happy to show us where the bus stop is.

Or should I say, to show Shelby where the bus stop is!

Consider this hypothetical situation for a moment here. You and your friend are tied to the hip. So much so, in fact, that when your BFF finds a beau to form a symbiotic relationship with--the teenage hormones rampantly reminding you of every awkward junior high dance you've ever attended--and she asks you to come hang out with the two of them, you can't refuse. 

Now obviously, Shelby is not attracted to Victor in any way. But he has his 28-year-old celebrity crush on Shelby. I, however, didn't know these feelings existed until we hopped down the 10th flight of stairs and opened the door at the of the hallway.

Lights on. Shelby and Marissa exit the building. Victor turns melodramatically--the kind of turn that would perhaps be in a choreographed Justin Bieber concert, but the audience keeps Justin Bieber in mind because he will be important later in the story.

Victor: HEeeellllloOOOOOoooo Shellllbbyyy!!! 

He nods to Marissa.

Victor is wearing a promiscuous v-neck with man cleavage all the way down his sternum. Once again, his hipster pants are much too tight and accent his bizarrely proportioned body.

Shelby: Hi, Victor.

Marissa: (already understanding the vibes, and at this point much too excited about how incredible this evening is about to be)....HELLLO VICTOR! 

Victor: I will walk you now, to the bus! Les go? (Chinese people ALWAYS say that. Especially in question form. Les go?) Ohhhhh no, I have brought my BIKE! Victor proceeds to slurp up the excess spit pooling in his mouth as he speaks, then throws his hands up in the air like a poorly dramatized play, and laughs excessively loud.

Marissa: (asterisks signify thoughts) *Incredible. Absolutely incredible.*

The three begin walking. It is soon apparent this is actually a Shelby/Victor date. The walking formation, even, supports this.

Shelby---------Victor

               |

          Marissa

Marissa: *I am such a good third wheel. But wow. I am LITERALLY the third wheel right now. We are in tricycle formation and I am the THIRD WHEEL! If I had a dollar for every time...*

Shelby: *Why is Victor being so creepy? He's so kind for showing us around, but why are we on a date?...*

Victor: *Shelby. Shelby. Shelby. Shelby. Shelby. Shelby. Swallow spit. Shelby. Shelby. Shelby. Shelby. Shelby. Did I shower today? Shelby. Shelby. Shelby...*

In answer to Victor's silent musings, no, he did shower today. In fact, based on the stench emitting from his person, he probably has not showered in a week or more.

Marissa's thoughts continue to enjoy this situation silently as Victor addresses Shelby to ask questions about herself and about America. 

Marissa: *What is that awful smell? Is it worth it to have such a great view of this incredible situation if I have to walk downwind of Victor? I'm hungry.* Marissa interrupts the riveting conversation. Victor, do you know what hot pot is?

Victor: Ummmmmmmm (he has clearly forgotten that Marissa was there) I do not understand. Maybe I find out later, and tell you?

Shelby: Hot pot is so delicious! It is where there is a pot in the middle of the table, and you put different foods into the pot to cook. We would like to know if there is hot pot in Changyi!

Victor: OH, I WILL FIND OUT NOW. 

Victor proceeds to search on his phone for an understanding of the bizarre concept of 'hot pot.'

~Five minutes later~

Victor: Oh. I do not understand. He dips his chin and looks into Shelby's eyes. I am very sorry.

Marissa: *Okay, am I being punk'd? COME ON. Where's the hidden cameras? This is too good to be true.*

Shelby: That is okay. Let's keep walking to the bus station.

A few minutes pass. Victor pulls out his phone.

Victor: May I show you, American song? I sink it VERY beautiful.

Marissa and Shelby: OH YES!

Victor then plays an unfamiliar English song.

Victor: Do you know it?!

Mmmmmnope.

Victor: It is very beautiful. Victor begins to sing the song, at the top of his lungs. Is it really happening? Is this real life? The two girls question their reality. What a fortunately incredible situation.

Victor continues to sing. 

Every time the wheel turns on Victor's bike, it groans uncomfortably loud. Every time Shelby speaks, Victor groans uncomfortably loud--IN DELIGHT.

After what seems to be an eternity, the tricycle finally reach the bus station. Convinced she knows how to properly navigate the way there, Marissa suggests they go to Jia le Jia (grocery store) to get some food, as her stomach is hungry enough to devour her pleasant attitude.

Victor: OH, I am freeeee tonight. I can go wis YOU!

Marissa: *I'm still here. And I just want foods in my tummy.*

Shelby: Um, okay!

The three walk into Jia le Jia. Victor allows Shelby to sample delicious breads. Our hands full with giant water bottles and a beautiful thing of coconut bread and a couple dumplings, we begin to walk out of the store. Many, many, many more hilariously uncomfortable moments happen and it comes to a point where Marissa, despite her unhappy tummy, is giggling ferociously and consistently in her head.

The tricycle rides again.

Marissa: Is that... JUSTIN BIEBER?!

Shelby: OHhhh ho ho yes it IS!

A store is playing Justin Bieber outside. 

Marissa: Dance party. Now.

Shelby: We're American. We can make it happen. 

Bieber, Marissa, Shelby: BABY, BABY, BABY OHHHHH LIKE BABY, BABY, BABY OHHHHHHHHHHHH

Victor: (giggling uncontrollably with obvious glee): Zees is popular song in America?! YES I KNOW! BABY BABY BABY BABY--oh, I mess up. I take picture?!

Shelby and Marissa strike a pose.

Victor: Do you dance often?

Shelby: I don't dance, but Marissa is very good at dancing! I just dance for fun.

Victor: Where do you dance? Obviously speaking to Shelby

Shelby: Umm, (laughs) in my apartment?

Victor: I would very much like to see you dance...

Marissa and Shelby: ........................................

Marissa: *But why isn't this being filmed?*

Shelby: Um, probably not!

Victor: I like to dance. I am very good at dancing.

...................................

Victor: Can I... whisper a song to you?

Shelby: What???

Victor: I am very good at whispering songs. Very. Good. May I whisper a song to you?

Shelby: Ohhhh ho ho. AbsoLUTELY you can.

Marissa: Incredible.

Victor then proceeds to whistle a Chinese song. For five minutes. Marissa and Shelby are delighted. The bike continues to groan. 

Victor: I very much like English. In the university, I like my teacher very much. He is the teacher I am most attracted to.

At this point, Marissa is more grateful than ever for the walking formation. Though she does her best to brush off her laughter as coughing, she can't escape the facial contortions resulting from obvious suppressed laughter. But even when she thinks it can't get any better, it does.

Victor: My bike is very loud! Maybe it is....... BROKEN. He laughs like a giddy school boy, then slurps in his excess spit. 

Shelby: Maybe it is not very happy with you!

Victor: It say to me, 'YOU ARE NOT MY MASTER. I AM VERY MAD AT YOU.' Raucous laughter at own joke ensues.

Marissa: Incredible.

The date ends with a very informal non-doorstep scene. Marissa and Shelby, feeling more stoked than ever to be alive, laugh the entire 10 flights to their apartment. 

What an absolute WIN.

The usual, please.

This little boy, though.

He is my favorite part of this entire week. So we visited this restaurant earlier because we walked the two miles to buy train tickets and were famished when we got there, so on the way to the main road, we saw a giant picture menu and knew we had to go.

This is our second time visiting the restaurant. We pointed at the dishes we wanted, and they brought us out a dish with noodles, beef, and leeks, and another with rice, eggs, tomatoes, and peppers. Both were incredible! This little boy was having the time of his life walking up to us, getting shy, and skittering away. The sweet owners then brought out a small plate of pickled seaweed. It was actually pretty good! Then, they brought out some herbal tea. I actually wonder if it was actually soup haha... But it tasted like strong chicken broth with cilantro. THEN they had the little boy bring us a baked sweet potato. Oh my goodness it was delicious! AND THEN, they had him bring us two orange fantas with a bottle opener for each of us. He'd creep up toward the table, nervous about dropping the drinks, set it down, give us an ear-to-ear grin, then run away.

After the delicious meal and being EXTREMELY full having only eaten about half of what they put in front of us, I handed them a 100 RMB bill to see how much extra they were going to charge us. The man gave us back 82.

He charged us 18 for everything. Less than three dollars.

I am so grateful for the amazing friends we've made on the streets. No, we don't speak their language. But we buy flatbread from our bread lady. We buy lotus root and other things from the lady with the kind eyes and she doles us out the same portions we asked for the earlier day and lets us try new things. Our fruit woman always greets us with a huge smile. Just outside our complex, there's a gate with a guard in a small building. We named him Henry! Every single time we leave, we give Henry a big wave and a big smile, and he returns the favor. And I'm excited to visit our restaurant at least once a week so we can do them a service by being loyal customers.

I guess you can say we've become regulars :)

It's a Cal Ranch sort of day.

I spent the morning listening to country music and then I found this incredible photo taken at the Cal Ranch store where Dan's, Dick's, and who-knows-what-else used to be. I think I was meant to be a southern belle. Which is a bit presumptuous, but I really do have this bizarre fascination with all things country. Plus, isn't Miles lookin' like a flipping stud in this picture? He looks like he could be on the next Hannah Montana movie. Sorry girls, he's already vowed that he'll forever live in my basement playing college football.

Or he'll just forever be my BFF. HI MILES HI!!! Oh, too bad you don't even care enough to read this. Grandma Rives will probably call you and chew you out now. Ha! Love you!

My Greatest Accomplishments.

1. Learning the Elvish alphabet. I'm obsessed.
2. I CAN CORN ROW HAIR?! It only took me two hours :)

Holllllllllaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because the street vendor was selling it on the other side.

I literally think I'm hilarious. I'll take that courtesy chuckle right to the bank, thank you very much. My picture uploader started working finally, so here's a million and a half pictures to prove that I have, in fact, actually been in China. Spoiler alert: I'm really not living in our unfinished basement pretending to be on the other side of the world.

This is Clement, our tour guide. AKA JACKIE CHAN!!! "If I die young, bury me in Clement's backyard." ~Shelby

Just me and my BFF Jon out for a cruise around Beijing! Literally so legit.

Part of our cruisin'. I'm obsessed with the fact that we rented scooters.

Yes. That is our washer. And I'm sitting on the dryer like a creep. But only because sometimes it gets a little bit...frisky? SO WHAT IF I LOOK LIKE I LIVE IN A PRISON.

Pooptown school! Just to clarify something--the name Pooptown isn't derogatory in any way. I love Pooptown! It's a term of endearment. It just smells abnormally of poop, even for China.

This would be urban Changyi. Just the 24 hour KFC on the right. Why do they obsess over KFC, of ALL things?

THIS IS THE TOBAGGAN FROM THE GREAT WALL! I STILL DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPELL TOBAGGAN BUT I SURE DID LOVE IT!

Just doing cartwheels on the bridge at the Bund in Shanghai. Yes, ALL Americans act like this. Haha. The Chinese people in the background. Classic.

This is our polyga-crew, minus Maddy and McCall. Hadlee, Jon, Shelby, me, Jess, Blythe. LOVE THEM!!!

"Destroying the ecosystem would FINALLY threaten the living of humans."

Most depressed Rafiki I've ever met. :/ But we were friends.

"Do not harm the animals due to the evil is little."

Just riding the ferris wheel at the zoo. Abnormally expensive, but it had to be done.

Bridges. So many delicious bridges.

I just intend to cartwheel all over this country.

I. LOVE. PANDAS. 

GIT THAT CORN OUT OF MY FACE! Plot twist: it's actually panda poops :///

I rode him. Please refer to Facebook for evidence. Thanks Miles, for uploading them! Don't be surprised  that he reads this. Because he actually doesn't. So.

Just our daily stroll through the park to the market to buy lunch!

Never Been More Thrilled

Soooo the teaching situation. Well I just stopped coming when they asked me. Turns out, Shelby got to start teaching on Thursday in the primary school so I rightfully think, hey, I probably start teaching today too! I get ready for the first time in years, literal years, although I honestly didn't get ready; but I looked relatively presentable in an effort to perhaps butter them up into giving me some classes.

After about an hour of trophying (it's become a straight up verb now, the way I sit in an office simply WAITING), they finally attempt to give me a schedule. Oh, wrong schedule? Another hour of trophying passes. FINALLY, I have a schedule.

I start teaching on Monday.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

You need, come to school this afternoon and tomorrow for familiarize yourself with school.

Um, no way, English teacher who doesn't speak English.

I was actually getting sick, so I blamed the fact that I would not come to the school on an illness. I'm not gonna trophy myself for six hours a day when I've already spent about 15 hours familiarizing myself with the students and some junior high dance concert choreography. I went home and spent the next four days being legitimately sick with a sore throat, fever, cough, the works. So that was fun (spoiler alert: but it wasn't).

Monday rolls around. I get ALL ready again (comparatively?) and head over to the school for my 8:05 class. I sit in the office for fifteen minutes. The clock ticks on. OH sorry. You don't teach first hour because the students are coming back from break over the weekend. Okay, so, when do I teach? Second hour. Okay. 

Spongebob narrator voice: One hour laterrrr.

Okay, I show you your class room?

We go to the classroom and I am sooo stoked. I finally get to start teaching these kids who I've grown to love even though I don't know a thing about them. I open up my picture slideshow and start talking. Things are going really well! I get through some dance pictures and then some travel pictures and then ----

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Who should it be, but the administrative head teacher from the floor above?

The English teacher rushes out of the classroom to go speak with him.

She comes back in and grabs my arm and says, You don't teach this class anymore. We go now.

WAAATTT???

There's no way in heck I'm skipping out on your whim. But I have to, apparently. So I squeeze in about 7 more pictures out of spite until she shoos me out of the classroom. You are kiddin' ME. I LOOKED LIKE A FOOOOL OUT THERE.

We go back to the trophy showcase and I demand an explanation from the woman who teaches Chines-ish instead of English, or even Engrish. As expected, she sits me in a chair and tells me to wait while the other teachers unabashedly check me out for fifteen minutes. 

Continuing.

She tells me that I might teach the next period. But I might not. But I might teach in the afternoon. But I might not.

Woman. Which. Is. It. I tell her I need to know EXACTLY when I teach.

One hour laterrrr.

Oh, I talk to head teacher he say you have no class this week.

This.... week?

Yes, no class entire week. You teach maybe Monday.

Here's the deal. I can't say I've ever lost my temper in my entire life. I brush things off pretty darn easy. So when I say I was livid, it doesn't mean I had steam fuming from my ears and was throwing a tantrum like a two-year old. But it does mean that I walked home from that school thinking way-too-many swearwords paired with some hypothetical/very un-Christlike scenarios.

Given fifteen minutes sitting on my couch staring at the wall, though, I was over it. I complained to my parentals for a solid hour, but I mean, I've come to accept the fact that they simply won't tell me anything. And that they'll probably never have me teach. It's almost hilarious, really. It does kind of suck because I can't really leave the apartment alone because I'm a girl and I'm not entirely sure my keychain pepper spray would work on Asians, and also Shelby's in the apartment and our city is big enough/small enough that it's not safe to go out after dark, but I'm finding things to do. I actually learned the Elvish alphabet last night, which was probably the most exciting accomplishment of the nineteen years I've been on this earth. 

Yeah, I probably sent this to most of you already. I've just never been more thrilled. Just my name in Elvish.

Our shower is such a tease. We had hot water for a total of five minutes. When Shelby's out of the shower we're heading out to go get some lunch! Oh the food here. Oh the fact that I'm actually losing weight, despite the fact that the food's amazing. Never been more thrilled, like I said.

1. Travel. 2. Simplify.

First of all, happy birthday to Miss Kenzie Isbell tomorrow! If someone could be so kind so as to pass that along, I would be more than grateful.

Keep the questions coming. I'm s'darn excited to answer zem all!

Also, Camille Robb. Are you there?? AKA, why haven't you emailed me yet? I feel like I forgot to stow away your email, and I'd like to know how London is.

Here's something incredible.

Camille is in London. My BFF Shannon Mason is in Italy. Meg just got back from Australia. Me, Shelby, Maddy, and McCall are in China. Kelsee Broadhead is going to China in February. Jessi Crosland went to Europe this summer. Mandy's sister is teaching in Mexico right now. It's whatever, right?? I'm just thinking, everyone that's on a mission right now aren't the only ones going all over the world gaining cultural insights and making new friends. The way I see it, the gathering of Israel is happening in more ways than we can even fathom. I have friends all over the world right now. South America, Canada, East Coast, West Coast, Midwest, Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Russia, China, India, Thailand, Philippines, Australia, Africa, and the list goes on and on!

The courage and drive to become well-versed in other cultures that our generation has is only gaining momentum. So for those of you reading this, I urge you to go see the world! Of course there's a time and place for everything as well as moderation in all things, but every cent you spend will have been worth it. Go find a good job, work hard, and do your best in school so you can get out of Utah and experience the beauty of different interaction and values. Find and appreciate history, learn a little bit of every language you encounter. Serve the people. Give and receive. Learn to love each person as they are--though you may never speak to them, understand them, or ever see them again.

There's a lady at the market here that we've gone to to buy deep-fried lotus root (it's AMAZING), and although the extent of my Chinese can help us greet, buy, and thank, I have a legitimate love for her in my heart. Her smile and patience has made a lot of the difference in my attitude here in Pooptown. The first time we bought from her, I thought I gave her 5 RMB to pay for the lotus root but I accidentally gave her 50. I walked away to find some green peppers and I hear her yelling and clapping at me to get my attention so she could give me the change. Although I would have lost about $8.00 total, it changed my entire outlook on the people here.

There is good everywhere. Of course, there is also bad, but for each encounter with unhelpful or rude people  comes a person who is good at their very core; it makes every frustrating moment worth it.

Let me make something clear. I certainly complain a lot about Pooptown, annoying administrators, hard beds, and miserable showers, but I am happy. I am so happy here. Josh Johnson was chatting Shelby earlier today and said that if we think culture shock is bad now, just wait till we come home. I love you all dearly, but I don't want to come home. It's going to be hard to leave these humble people, the amazing prices, the active lifestyle, and how you simply have to make things work (EVEN IF THE STUPID MOP DOESN'T DO THE ONLY JOB IT WAS CREATED FOR). I really don't want to leave the food. Everything is so fresh! AND CHEAP!

It's borderline hilarious the way they build everything that should be smaller bigger, and how everything that should be much bigger is much too small. I love not having a car. I wish I was here forever so I could spend a couple hundred dollars on a moped and just ride that around everywhere! Walking has been so good for me, though! I love how simple their lives are. They're not frittered away by unnecessary details, too many appointments, or obsessions with social media (though you can best believe I have a QQ now). For evening activities, they go to the park and play badminton. They walk around. They play chess. They DANCE. It's going to be hard to go back to America where life revolves around technology and speed. Everything we do in America is to improve efficiency or speed so we can have more time to laze around.

Here, everything is so simple. They don't need to buy the latest diet fads because they relish in the fact that they can go out and exercise for fun. Exercising isn't a chore to be done, it's something they love! The playground equipment here are actually toy-looking versions of exercise equipment we have at home. The food isn't plasticized or has a shelf life of ten years. It's real. Why do you need a car to drive around the block? They ride their bikes, take a bus, or walk. In America, we fill our schedules up with a million things because we've found ways to combat the so-called time-wasters like walking, cooking a real meal, or even just sitting in a park enjoying company. We're entirely misguided.

Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful for the technology and wonderful things we have at home. I just think that we've become blinded by the way we prioritize things--I'm probably the worst offender. Life isn't a race. It's a journey. Take the extra time you have, and instead of filling it up with meaningless and true time-wasters, strengthen your relationships with your family and friends. Study your scriptures and become closer to God. Appreciate the earth we have. Set goals. Take a walk. Learn something new. Be actively engaged in a good cause.

Once I've begun to do this, my joy has become much simpler and more pure in a way I can't verbalize or showcase. So find out for yourself.

Have you done any good in the world today?

Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Today, I came to good old Blogger without entirely knowing what I want to write about.

So let me ask YOU. What do you want to know about China, Pooptown, the universe in general, etc.? Just leave a comment or send me an email. Happy free question time!

Remember: there is no such thing as a stupid question.

But there is such thing as a stupid answer, so choose your questions wisely.

Call me Adele--

cause there are so many bizarre things I want to set on fire right now.

Yes, it IS four in the morning here. And yes, I AM awake. Oh, ya know, just casually awake waiting to stop coughing so I can get some decent sleep on my wooden board of a bed. Maybe in the morning I'll even take a shower. Oh, should I clarify that? I'll heat some water on the stove and use a wash cloth to wipe myself down and wash my hair with cold water dripping from the showerhead. That would be ideal. Then I could make myself some breakfast out of the food we have in the fridge.

Oh wait, our fridge is empty.

Well that's fine, I'll go to the store.

Two miles of walking away.

Maybe in a couple days I could start teaching English. With approximately 2.5 times the amount of classes the teachers with salaries teach. Oh, just casually teaching the entire seventh and eighth grade in a middle school with 5,000 students.

But if that's not enough, I can probably take a nice walk around the park and have every single person I pass stare at me and judge me with their eyes up and down.

Thrice.

That'd be fine, right?



Here's the thing. I'm super happy here. It's just 4:30 in the morning now and I'm miserable and not thrilled to be awake, so of course I'm going to write mean things. MY POOR LITTLE BODYYYYYY.

ALL I WANT TO DO IS SUCK ON CREAMIES AND HAVE A FLUFFY PILLOW AND MAYBE A MATTRESS IF THAT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK.

I never want to be sick here again. :/

You live here TOO?!!!?!

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Pooptown, there lived a girl (I hate to be too explicit here, but that girl was me). And that girl woke up in the middle of the night (two in the a.m.) because she is extremely ill (at least in my head it feels extreme) and was coughing so hard she could no longer sleep. What does the ill-fated girl do?

Obviously hop on the Internet to once again see that nobody has emailed her.

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the incredible friends and family she has, sending her about four emails. What a sweet tender mercy! Even when you're sick in a different country trying to sleep on a wooden slat with pillows filled with Puffed Rice cereal and you cough your lungs up every three seconds, the Lord will find a way to bless you. So thank you for the emails! I'll write back to you in the morning when I'm NOT teaching :) Haha.

But I did get my schedule from Flat Top this afternoon, and it looks like I rotate every other week teaching the ENTIRE eighth and seventh grades. Did I mention this middle school has over 5000 students? Davis High times two, and I'm teaching 65% of it. At least I'll be teaching? I start school on Monday.

Speaking of this weekend, RISE AND SHOUT COUGARS! WAHOOOOOOO!!!!!! I'm stoked. Wish I could be there with everyone! Be wise in your cheering, but GO BYU!!! I'm not gonna lie. I miss football games. BYU games are EPIC. Even last year, when we were terrible.

So the other day, when we were walking home from the market, yet another civilian flags us down with their eyes and nearly crashes into something with their bike as they do fourteen double takes to see that we are indeed foreigners. The man slams on his breaks and swings his bike over to the curb as awkwardly as a duck might (if ducks did indeed ride bikes) and grins from ear-to-ear as he turns to say,

HEEELLLLOOOOOOOO!!!!

Oh. Wow. Sir. Did you by chance learn English from a feminine man or did you add your own flair to the English language? The amount of dipthongs and accompanying large-toothed smiles with a sassy head-bob is absolutely astonishing. I can't handle myself when Victor--what a fitting name--talks to us. It's the funniest thing I have ever seen.

For those of you who've seen Hot Rod, he's the Asian wannabe incarnated into a Pooptown local.

It is veerrrrryyy nice to finally (you really need to envision the vocal range he's hitting here as he emphasizes each vowel and consonant in the most gay/pedophiliac way possible) meet youuuuu. I am English teacher (are you really?..) at the...PRIMARY SCHOOOOLLL, which (the enthusiasm in this next part can never be over-exaggerated in your head) IS YOUR SAME SCHOOL TOO?!

Oh yes. We teach here.

Do YOU (insert Michael Jackson voice pop) liiiivveeee heeerreeee toooooo?!

Um. --Awkward avoidance of question--

Yes we live at the school.

MEEEE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Maybe sometime, I be your Chinese teacher and maybe make you food I can cook?!

Haaahahhawkwardreliefsocietylaugh mayybbeee (not a chance)

GOOOODDD!!!!!! Today, ees verrry good day! BECAUSE I HAVE MET YOU!

Ha.?

I think you are verrrry beautiful and so excited be....ASSOCIATES together!

Yeahhhh. We have to go.

OKAY! SEE YOU SOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN!!!!

Yeah see ya never!


I skipped the four hour expositional dialogue in which he told us about his English teacher at his university and how he can teach us Chinese and how he got our number, but you get the point. Bizarre, right? We still haven't nicknamed him. But when it comes, it's gonna be golden.

What. A. Man.

Post Script

Write me some fetching emails, people. I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU.

My name is Marissa, and I approve this message.

That one time...

NOW, they're saying I start teaching on Monday. Does this concern anyone? And yes, Linda, I get the comments sent to my email :) It is lovely to hear from you!!

SO. ShANGHAI.

One time, we by some miracle got out of Pooptown and into Shanghai. You can read the story from the last post about how miraculous it was that we got tickets and made it on the last train of the day. I don't know that I was extremely clear about the circumstances, though. I've certainly been more than clear about our trials with Masty and the Chinch (I've introduced those nicknames for the school board, right?), but I'm talking about the trip to Shanghai.

Obviously, there isn't any passive or active proselyting allowed in China, but we are blessed enough to be able to meet together for church at various times and destinations throughout all of China. In the Shanghai district, there are three branches. Nanjing, Pudong, Shanghai South (? I reallly don't know?). Brother and Sister Johnson are the adult leaders of the Shanghai District young single adults, so for district conference this weekend (like stake conference) they offered to have everyone together to tour Shanghai on Saturday and go to meetings on Sunday. We are technically in the Skype CCID branch, but anyone was allowed to come.

We have a lot of friends in Zhenjiang, Nanjing, and Shanghai, and Blythe (the friend in Shanghai) graciously allowed all of us to come crash at her apartment for the festivities. There's a group of us that bonded on the Beijing trip and we've basically stuck together ever since (as well as we can in a country with a sixth of the world's population)! Her apartment is in a gated community, but don't get any misguided ideas that it's anything like America. It is a super quality apartment for China, though! Shelby and I arrived late Friday night, or should I say Saturday morning, and we probably should have crashed but we ended up staying up till two in the morning catching up and telling stories about Irishmen and Pooptown.

In the morning, exhausted and sticky with ever-present dewy air, we departed to the subway to meet up with all the other young single adults in Shanghai. We were so grateful to be able to meet up with lots of people from our arrival tour and a lot more people doing study abroad at BYU! I can't say I've ever been more excited in my life to be surrounded by white people for two days. Plus there's infinitely more foreigners in Shanghai than Pooptown, so the creepy stares and sly photographing of us were decreased by tenfold. I can appreciate that immensely.

The church even paid for most of it, which is lovely in itself. First we went to a museum (THAT'S a loose term) which involved walking into an authentic Chinese home (also a loose term) from the forties. It was quaint, but also extremely tiny and a place I would not want to live.

Our little group of friends broke off for lunch and grabbed some fried dumplings and some pastries from a little bakery. Shanghai has such a different feel than Beijing. It smells the same, for sure, but there's something different about it. It's like comparing New York to Chicago. They both have their own attractions and cultures, but they also have a different and distinct feel to them. I found that Shanghai is, for one thing, a heck of a lot more humid, but it also is more relaxed--the people aren't as uptight and the streets are more welcoming in a way I can't describe more succinctly than just that.

We then visited a famous garden that was, to put it simply, beautiful.

We also grabbed an oreo blizzard  on the way out. I've been craving certain American foods. As much as I love the yogurt and dumplings, I still miss pizza and German pancakes.

After the delicious weather-named milkshake, we jumped (literally, in many cases) back on the subway to go to church. They meet in this giant office building in a dome-like area much like a compressed version of the Bountiful bubble (not the ice rink, and it's not a turtle, MILES). Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the seventy and his wife spoke to us for the adult session in the afternoon. It was so good!

Little gems I learned:
- We must be worthy to receive personal revelation--undefiled in our heart and mind
- Concerning marriage: you cannot change the other person. Get used to them instead.
- "The big things are actually the little things"
- Laman and Lemuel lost their willingness to fight--never forget what YOU are fighting for
- "The advesary knows the enormity of his cause. Let's make sure we remember the justness of ours."
- "Being light-minded is different than being light-hearted."

We then changed back into our street clothes and headed off to the Bund. Yes, the Bund. Not to be confused with the bundt, which is a delicious cake shape. The Bund is reminiscent of Times Square. And since I have a fetish of cartwheeling every which way, here's a nice cartwheel for you.
I ended up meeting a bunch of people from BYU! One had a nickin sick mustache, whose name was Troy, and I thought of Uncle Troy's fantastic goatee! Needless to say, I haven't forgotten Mustache Troy's name. I also met someone from Rupert, Idaho, who ended up being cousins with someone I worked with at my properties job. I also met Greg Tanner's brother, Marcus, who Kelsi knows from the MTC. It was lovely and refreshing to have legitimate connections with these people.

And it's bizarre to think that we are somehow connected to every single person in this world, however distant they may be.

We rode a ferry around THE BUND and ended up walking up and down the long strips of shops. Our magnificent little group was cravin' some America, so we stopped by the classy sit-down restaurant of Pizza Hut for some deep dish quality. I've never visited a Pizza Hut, or any pizza place for that matter, with that much class. MMMM!! I satisfied my pizza craving and I feel a hundred percent better. When we came out of the restaurant, it was raining. Yeah, it might have been acid rain. But that's not going to stop me from enjoying the warm rain in my already wet hair (from the humidity)! The ground was enjoyable slippery, so Jon and I spent a quality amount of time running and sliding across the tiled ground like we were two years old and running across the wood floor in slippery socks.

The next morning we went to conference. After listening to the speakers, a small group of us were fortunate enough to be able to partake of the sacrament in a small side room. I have never before taken the sacrament with such gratitude and hope in my heart. What a blessing it is to have so many worthy priesthood holders throughout the world who can administer an ordinance to us that will purge us from our sins of the past week and endow us with power to resist temptations for the coming week. Though my mind is swimming with simple English and Chinese words and I can't write my thoughts with the eloquence I wish to, suffice it to say that I am more grateful than ever for the sacrament.

This is the point in my posts where I get a bit A.D.D., so in a nutshell, we hit up the Shanghai Zoo and rode an elephant (NBD) and went to the French Concession, which is like some epic shopping. We even got some Indian food which was DELISH.

Shanghai = the greatest.

Or maybe the Great Escape.

At any rate, we skipped out on Pooptown for it, and it was the best decision ever.

It's WHATEVER

Ron Swanson once said concerning bacon, "AND NOW IT'S GONE AND I HATE EVERYTHING."

Sometimes every day I say that to myself.

About bacon.

And other things. 

But mostly bacon.

But a fair percentage would be 73% bacon.

27% other things.

But it all refers to metaphorical bacon.

Example: I quote it because I'm mad about a taxi passing us by.

"AND NOW IT'S GONE AND I HATE EVERYTHING."

The taxi brought it on, but all of a sudden I'm thinking about bacon, and I'm quoting Ron Swanson with about 27% devoted to the taxi whilst the other 73% refers to bacon.

Anecdotal time-wasters aside, what I'm TRYING TO SAY IS I love China with all my heart, but things are extremely difficult right now. The first week in Beijing was comprised of absolute bliss. I was thrilled to be here. 

But then I got to my city, and things got hard.

Instead of getting easier, though, the hard things got harder.

Isn't it bizarre how the difficult things in our life always seem to surpass what you ever thought you could physically and mentally handle? I wasn't concerned about coming to China. I'm definitely a traveler and an adventurer, and I certainly haven't had to deal with culture shock because of the amount of love I already had for the people (thanks Kelsi) and the customs.

Before I left, I felt very strongly that there were going to be some difficult trials I'd go through during the next four months, and I thought to myself, What could possibly go wrong that I can't handle? I won't have to deal with culture shock more than likely, and I'm good at comforting people who are dealing with crap themselves (at least in my head) so I'll be fiiiiiiiiine.

OH yeah. Confidence is key. Confidence is key to getting a whole different set of trials in a way you didn't anticipate. 

Without going into too much detail, my school is crazy. We still haven't started teaching. They show us off like trophies, like literal trophies, and push us around and won't let us leave and have creepy pedophile crushes and they haven't figured out our meal stipends yet and they made me learn a stupid dance and BOYFRIEND HAS A GIRLFRIEND AND WE DON'T HAVE WARM WATER (which I actually am fine with until it gets cold outside) AND ONCE UPON A TIME I USED TO HAVE FRIENDS AND NOW IT'S GONE AND I HATE EVERYTHING

(73%)

The problem is that I've never encountered anything like this before. How do you fix something when you don't have the means to fix it? 

The beautiful thing is that God will find a way to give you a strength in something you didn't know was a weakness.

No, things aren't fixed. But things are okay. 

So then I started reading about this guy named NEPHI.

In chapter 4, it starts out with "..let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; for behold he is mightier than all the earth, then why not mightier than Laban and his fifty, yea, or even his tens of thousands?"

First of all, it's a hidden gem in the scriptures because it's in the first verse of a chapter which people (myself included) usually skim because it's generally exposition. BUT.

We were invited to go to Shanghai this weekend for a district conference, which means a four hour train ride, and trying to coordinate it is impossible without help from the school. Everything wasn't working out and I was super stressed and I finally just sat down to read my scriptures for the night and came across this scripture.

 It immediately calmed my heart because even though I feel extremely isolated here, with no one that speaks English, and maybe two people that can barely speak, I truly have nothing to worry about. I was given a blessing before I left that promised my safety and my ability to comfort others, and who is God if he cannot give me comfort or find a train ticket for us to Shanghai somewhere? 

But He IS God. And He is more powerful than anything. He divided the Red Sea for Moses. He delivered Laban to Nephi. He has created worlds without number, and Spirits that outnumber the sands of the sea. In verse three, it goes on and says, "wherefore can ye doubt?"

I can't doubt. None of us can afford to doubt when there is evidence of His hand all around us. He is with me, even in China, and He will make sure everything works out. In the Book of Mormon, there are 34 times that it says "Inasmuch as you shall keep my commandments, you will prosper in the land." And maybe it doesn't specifically refer to money, but we will be happy and find joy. Because this IS a plan of happiness (1 Nephi 8:10). 

And though I now feel like I am "led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do, nevertheless I [will go] forth" (1 Nephi 4:6-7). And I fully intend to. 

SO SHANGHAI

and thingzzzz. 

Miraculously, we got tickets set to leave at 7:48 p.m., which was fine. They were pricey, but oh well. We needed to get out of that place. The headmaster makes us do another public appearance (out of retribution for us leaving, I'm SURE), and we depart to Weifong to the train station. It takes about an hour to get there, and Sunny, a translator accompanying us, asked to see our tickets to make sure everything was good. She looks at them and gets a funny sideways face and shows it to the driver.

My stomach fell and dug a hole all the way back to K-Town. She pointed at some numbers and said, This time is wrong.

You're kidding.

You are KIDDING me.

We missed the train that we paid $75.00 for. We can't leave crazy Pooptown. I can't handle this.

But then she said they'd get us there on time. Apparently, the music teacher who took us to buy the tickets told us the wrong time. How the cuss are we supposed to read the ticket that's in Chinese? It's unfathomable to me that she told us the wrong time. Not even close to the right time. But. We had an hour and twenty minutes, and it takes an hour to get to Weifong. 

Yes, I lost about nine million brain cells holding my breath the entire hour and twenty minutes and spent what little breath I had saying prayers we'd make it, but we really did make it. And I've never been more grateful in my life. Miracle. An absolute miracle.

We hop on the train and we're going to our seats and these two ginger men sitting in the two seats in front of us. They joked about how we could sit next to them since all four of us were thrilled to see other white people (ALMOST AS THRILLED AS ASIANS SEEING WHITE PEOPLE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIFE), but then we ended up sitting behind them due to assigned seating of the seating gods. 

Furthermore, they were Irish.

Furthermore, they were witty.

Furthermore, I finally had the capacity to use colorful words like amalgamous. 

Furthermore, they were definitely a bit drunk, and constantly buying more pijou (alcohol).

They offered to buy us drinks, and we kindly refused. Best thing, though? They were foreigners. They were passport holders. So naturally we steer that conversation right to the gospel. 

Oh, we don't drink. 

I respect that! I know a bunch of people that don't drink. Is it religion?

Yes it is!

I assume you're ChrriiisssMussssllli-

Christian.

EXACTLY.

Oh, just two Mormons casually refusing a drink on a train bound for Shanghai.

Wait, you're Mormon?!

Yes, yes we are!

So then the conversation progressed to an incredible discussion about our beliefs. We showed them our Book of Mormons which we conveniently had stowed away in our backpacks and talked to them about the things that set us apart from other gospels. It's quite a paradox, really. As I bore my testimony to these drunk, ginger, Irishmen (the stereotype radar is off the charts), I realized the fullness that we truly do have.

I know I talked about this before, but religion is very additive. Other churches are good, and there are pockets of truth in all of them, but they don't have my favorite parts about the gospel, namely the Book of Mormon, the all-encompassing power of the Atonement, the priesthood, and modern-day revelation. Keep in mind this was a seven hour train ride, and we spent about two and a half hours talking about our beliefs and explaining why they made sense and hearing their take on religion and God.

They were very open, which was something I was extremely grateful for. And I certainly felt the Spirit strongly. And as we spoke and talked about the intimacy with which we can come to know our Savior, one of them, Mark, looked somewhat startled. He was enthralled by the idea that a church believes so strongly that you can have a friendship with God. But he said it made sense to him. We talked about Joseph Smith, the personal revelation we can receive daily from the Book of Mormon, the pre-existence, foreordination, family, the sense of community, general conference, President Monson, missionaries, the Atonement, Christ's ministry, the contrast between Catholicism, Protestantism, and our church, the priesthood, eternal marriage, and lots of other things. 

Then they got much too plastered to take it seriously anymore. But it was incredible. I am so grateful for that opportunity. We exchanged contact information, and I really enjoyed them as people. Meaning, before they got super drunk. It definitely made the train ride a lot easier! And it was refreshing to talk to someone who knew 19 different ways to say 'good.'

Shanghai, by the way, is incredible. :) 

And to this day I still have not brought myself to proofread my writing. So I'm sorry. Forgive all my imperfections. :/

Bye.